So that poses a question: How do you change what you see if you've already been both extremes? It is totally an attitude thing, but where are all the healthy minded individuals we are supposed to emulate? How can we end this cycle of hatred and self-deprecation without adding to our already self-obsessed and vain society? What else is there to do if changing circumstances doesn't change the problem? Where are all the women who are willing to stand up and show us how to do it right? And why are men SO fricking silent about this? Sure, a lot of men are pigs and just want boobs and butt and model figures. But I know men who think that is repulsive and who genuinely delight in their woman's figure. I have heard them say this out loud, in front of other men and women, and not even blink funny. But yet when the question is posed to them "How do I look, Honey?" Their faces instantly change to the face of a man about to utter his last words. Guys: Grow some balls! Yes if you say a girl looks bad in an outfit she is going to become upset. DUH! If a girl says something that emasculates you, you have a bad reaction too! But we ask because we want to know. We really don't want to be walking around thinking that we look awesome and find out later that my butt really did look ENORMOUS in those pants. Now I have also heard guys say that confidence is what makes a woman beautiful and attractive, right guys? Well guess what inspires confidence? YOU! Even as a friend, if you notice a woman and she looks lovely (if she inspires feelings you should not be having, capture those thoughts and make them obedient to Christ, then tell her that she might want to cover up a little) TELL HER SHE LOOKS GOOD! We need to hear it! We tell each other all the time, but that is different. We are desperate to hear something from someone so we compliment another girl which forces her to say something nice in return whether she means it or not. Yes that is really how it works. I have just shared a sacred women's secret and will probably be scorned for it. (Sorry Ladies, but they need to know this stuff) So guys: be men and tell us you like what you see!
While I would like to blame the men for all of the issues we women have, because its just easier when it's not your fault, I can't. They can certainly contribute from time to time, but they are not the root of the problem. The problem is that we have never been SHOWN how to love ourselves. We are told that if we love ourselves we are vain but if we hate ourselves we need therapy. We are told that we must earn the right to to love ourselves or look in the mirror with satisfaction. To earn these positive points we have to eat well, be a saint around everyone without exception, be caring, flexible, kind, sweet, hospitable, inviting, and warm to anyone we might come in contact with. Basically we demand of ourselves that we be Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart, June Cleaver, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and Jackie O with a heaping dose of Marilyn Monroe in the bedroom to help keep our husbands happy. And if all these demands aren't met we get to stare in the mirror and tell us how awful we were today or yesterday and how we have to make up for it now. No wonder we can't keep up. Not even the people we are supposed to be could keep up! (Look at each one of their stories if you don't believe me. Even the TV perfect mom was a bit lacking. A son named Beaver? good one mom!)
So if fictional and non-fictional women can't uphold the universal standard for women, then who can? If it's an unattainable goal, how do we change it?
I wish I had an answer! Every time I look in a mirror my wish for an answer becomes more desperate and my emotional reaction becomes more confounding.
I guess for now I will wait for an epiphany (anyone seen the movie Hook? yeah I almost typed apostrophe) to strike my brain and reconcile me with my reflection.
till then,
One day at a time
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