So in case you haven't guessed it yet, I'm not very good at updating things regularly. Sorry about that.
Anyway...
If there is one thing about Fibro that you can count on it's that on the days you need it most, your energy or your hormones will go haywire and you will be left with the table scraps and a very long to-do list. As humans we all have good days and bad days. Some people use that as an excuse for a bad attitude or even just being a rude person. With fibro, there is a fight against every day feeling like a bad one. With pain as a constant companion we don't get to use that as an excuse to be rude. Some days it is a harder battle than others, and some days you can't win. Those are the bad days. I had one of those yesterday. No matter what I did, how long I rested, or how well I cared for myself I couldn't shake the feeling of worthless, fat, and lazy. This feeling overwhelmed me to the point of tears. So for no reason and with no provocation I sobbed for probably a good 20 minutes. My poor husband sat near by trying to comfort a feeling of inadequacy that had nothing to do with him. I felt really bad that he couldn't help, but I couldn't help it. Some times that's all you can do: cry. Some times we all have bad days. I'm learning that those bad moments don't have to last all day. Bad physical days means you have to find a way to get past the pain and use the energy you have in the best way you know how. My mom calls it "spending your spoons." She has a good analogy of how fibro effects a person's energy levels. If you know her, ask her about it. Bad Hormonal days means you have to fight the urge to yell, cry, or curse at anything in your path and this fight against yourself drains your energy before you even have a chance to roll out of bed.
There have been days where I wake up and feel like I've already lost the fight. There have been and will continue to be days I don't even want to try. I just have to hope for good days and when I don't get them I have to make it through the day and start over tomorrow.
Health update: annual women's health check was good. Doc says things should come together fine when the time is right. So now we are back to the waiting.
One day at a time, one step at a time.
